Come in out of the cold...

Mose says "screw it, Im swimming"

Right now it is Mid- March here in New Hampshire.
Since January we have had a few "snow events" (I love that one), weather in the high 60's, monsoon-like rain ( even some with thunder!) and yesterday I drove home in a sleet/rain/snow mix.
As of today it's cold and we have a snowstorm predicted for this weekend.

Welcome to New England, where we say: if you don't like the weather just wait a minute.
Where we have our winter fleece lined boots next to the door with our flip flops 9 out of 12 months. Everyone I know keeps hats and gloves in the car year round pretty much.

I'm not complaining.
Ok, yes I am.
I am not normally a grouchy type except when it's COLD.
As I reflect on this winter, which was relatively mild especially compared to LAST winter, (and yes, I know it's probably not over!) I can still affirm that I don't like the cold.

This winter I was invited to go DOG-SLEDDING in the moonlight.
Dog-sledding.
My response..." you mean,,, outside?"
This person then ( you have to give him points for persistence) suggested "ok, what about on a nice bright sunny day?"
It was January.
In New Hampshire, in January,  there does not exist a day bright or sunny enough to entice me to ride swiftly through it.

I dont like the cold.
I dont like to BE cold..
I hate it.
And No,,,Hate is not too strong a word here.

Obviously, I live in New England so I have to cope with the cold. My life is here, my children and friends,(people should just stop asking "well, why don't you move south?") but it doesn't mean I automatically enjoy the long cold months that we endure here.
It means I spend a lot of time inside.

Winter here is l...o...n...g..., months and months. It's not that unusual to get snow in November and not too long ago we even had a helluva Halloween storm. The snow and unsteady weather will continue well into April for sure, frequently with those sadistic teasers of 60+ temps for a few days before dropping another 18 inches of the white stuff.

Mother Nature, she is cruel.

In the area I live I  am most likely in the minority, with my "avoid the outdoors" attitude. Many in my community take the stance of "if you cant beat it, go snowshoeing" ( I do not UNDERSTAND snowshoeing, by the way. WHY are we doing this?)
I am not in that group and I feel comfortable with that.
I used to TRY.
I used to accept invitations to go skating, or sledding or even just hiking in the snow.
I always regretted it, cold and miserable ( YES..I WAS dressed appropriately!)
And it was definitely different when my kids were younger.
For the sake of "good clean fun" the boys and I did lots outside.
But now?
I'm done with that stuff.

In my mid-life quest to be "authentic" I got really honest about me and the cold.
I realized that I have choices here and one of those choices was to just avoid the cold.
So, I sure as hell am not accepting any more invitations to winter frolics on the ice.
If I'm really honest, I dont accept many invitations at all in the winter. I just want to be home, ok?

I work out in the community several days a week, slogging in and out of whatever weather is happening. I find it exhausting and depressing. I worry about slipping and falling ( yes, I wear the cleat thingys on my shoes). I worry about getting in an accident. I worry about not being able to stop before hitting the moron pedestrians who step into the city streets without looking. I arrive home at the end of the day, in the DARK, completely depleted. It's a "race to the flannel" and coziness, maybe as early as 7pm. And usually comfort food on the couch.

**Several weeks later

Ok, so now its the second week in April. We had 4-5 inches of snow last week,
which made everyone (ok, me) grouchy. Then we had a couple warm days and now its cold, and wet and grey.It's like spring is TRYING to pull herself out of the ditch but cant quite make it. The forecast is for a week of 40 degree days, which could honestly change at any minute.

Soapbox alert:

I should mention that I realize there are bigger issues here, other than me just being grumpy about the weather. It's not just about wanting to wear flip flops but having to deal with ice instead.
There are scary things happening with our climate and science is trying its DAMNEDEST to tell us to get off the stick and DO something.
I believe we are slowly getting the message, but it sure would be nice if we could pick up the pace a bit.
The new term I've been hearing for this environmental issue is "climate disruption".
I like it, it works. it  does feel "disruptive".
 But we can disrupt the disruption!
We CAN and NEED to be proactive and quick.
I would urge everyone to educate themselves and look for local initiatives to support.

Here are some tips from my friend Bob the Green Guy.

1. Lower your need for fossil fuel based energy as much as you can, as fast as you can.
2. Generate as much electricity yourself as much as you can.

 Bob has a lot of great tips on how we can be good stewards to our planet at his website and Facebook page.
http://bobthegreenguy.com/
https://www.facebook.com/BobTheGreenGuy/?pnref=lhc

And here's an user friendly article I liked:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anna-wilding/people-of-earth-scientist_b_9613042.html

On this cold-but-sunny Sunday Morning I hope you are all well (when WILL this damn cough end?), and warm, and enjoy whatever your day holds.
Since it is below 50 outside, I'll be right here, with Mose and TIppy and too many cups of tea.
Looks like a good day to read.
S'all good
SG

Cant get to purple without blue...

2 dogs,
2 matching leather couches,
2  laptops,
1 large -ass tv tuned to a cooking show with the sound off....

This is quality time with the Swannydude...

I am content here.

Yes, there is a Swannydude, counter part to the Swannygirl. We are related, he is vital to my support system. 

I've been busy.
And happy-ish.
So I haven't been writing as much. It's been so nice to have this interlude where things just seem....right.
Not that my life is a drudge normally.
I like my life.
But you know how there always seems to be one area that isn't "working"?
Like if your job is going great, then home is a mess.
Or if home and work are doing well, then your kids fall apart.
Or If your kids, work and home are doing well, then your car dies.
Or your dog develops a really inconvenient aversion to the field where he usually does his "business". ( ok that one may just be my life).
anyhoo...
you get the idea.
All my bits seem to be chugging along pretty well at the moment.
Except...
 Relationships are frustrating, thats for certain.
I recently ended one ( well, 3 months ago) that had gone on much longer than it should have and was completely dysfunctional on many levels. He was and is, not really "available" for a relationship, due to a number of factors, but I still hung in there for 2 years, hoping and believing that it would get better. The first 18 months we never spent time together, mostly talked on telephone after meeting at a christmas party in 2014. He wasnt in another relationship, but definitely not able to engage with me. We finally did actually "date", for 6-7 months. It was chaos. So now I am spending a lot of energy in therapy trying to understand what it all was for me. Why was I so drawn to him? Why wouldnt i trust what i saw and felt with my own eyes: that he was not ABLE to actually do this? Not sure I'll ever know. I care for him deeply and know he cares for me. But it finally came down to me needing to make a choice that was healthy for myself. Sorry to ramble, but the point is, Do we ever really KNOW why we are drawn to people? I think the best we can hope for is that we find someone that is available for what we are looking for, and that we recognize that in each other. And always to practice compassion and kindness through out the process, especially towards ourselves. So I cope.
Some days better than others. Luckily, being alone is not the big deal for me that it is for some.
But there are days when it just feels like I am the only one without something planned and someone to do it with...
It makes me consider tap dancing lessons.
Or Martial Arts classes.
I end up shopping for exercise equipment online.
And watching things I know will make it worse ( Note: do NOT watch "When Harry Met Sally" if you have the relationship blues unless you have a lot of tissues available).

However, I feel grateful. That I can do this...
I dont feel ...frantic. 
Just, you know, kind of blue.And not even every day. 
Thats ok, right?
I'm working, eating, talking to people.
I clean my house and walk the dog a lot.
I take the grandgirls as much as I can. 
I go to movies with friends and have people over for dinner. 
I read and chat on Facebook.

And...
I continue to communicate with Mr. Elusive, my pretend boyfriend.
Because it's not ..done.
Apparently.

The moments of joy, and even grace,  are still outweighing the crummy parts. 
I figure there are lessons to be learned here. 

So, let me know if you want to walk. Or go to a movie. Or go for tap dancing lessons. 

S'all good
SG