I woke up to this email from a Match.com member:
"You are more beautiful than a parrot"
I don't know how to respond to that.
I don't.
I am writing this on a Sunday.
I am watching "You've Got Mail" and licking my Match.com wounds, all while catching up on work because, god forbid, I am not PRODUCTIVE!
FFS.
By the way, I fall in love with Tom Hanks all over again every time I watch this movie.
I love the quote from Meg Ryan's character:
"There isn't someone else, but there is the dream of someone else."
The movie will make me alternately wretched and hopeful.
I will end the day eating something I shouldn't, no doubt.
I've been on a few dates lately, some just on the phone.
The phone dates go something like this:
Me: Hello! how are you?
And then they proceed to tell me, for 45 minutes or as long as I can stand it, all about THEM until I lie and say I have to let the dog out.
Or slit my wrists.
Think I’m exaggerating?
I’m not.
I have lost count of how many men give me a dissertation on their wonderful selves during the ENTIRE phone call.
I have kept track of how many times they actually ask me about ME.
Many times, they don't.
I will try at least once or twice to interject something related to me or my life, to see if they pick up the thread.
Nope.
Sometimes I give it another try, a 2nd call, if it’s not totally bad. But if the 2nd one proves equally difficult for me getting a word in edgewise, then I know.
Bye bye.
Don't tell me they are nervous.
They are not nervous. I can tell nervous.
They are self absorbed ego maniacs.
No thank you.
A friend asked if I shouldn’t give them a chance face to face? Maybe I was too harsh?
As I've mentioned before, I have to feel leaving the house for a date is a better option than staying home with the dog.
I don't feel that very often.
I did meet a man for coffee not too long ago.
He seemed very nice, pretty easy to talk to, a little nerdy, but I can do nerdy.
He showed up 32 minutes late, with his zipper down and driving a 2009 Honda.
He told me he was late because he didn't want to wake up his 15 year old son.
It was 1:00 in the afternoon.
Nope.
And, I really got it wrong recently.
A couple of times.
Like my heart got involved and was awash with hope momentarily, which is all I try to let it do these days.
Dammit.
Dating gaff #1
I don't actually blame myself for. After several fun phone conversations and lots of fun text messaging, we had a date planned.
Dinner...yay!
So there is NO WAY I could have predicted the call from him, the night before our meet, "disclosing" that he had had a girlfriend. That he met online.
And that she had gotten cancer.
And died.
3 WEEKS PREVIOUS TO THIS CONVERSATION!
That's right, his live-in girlfriend, the person he fell in love with after his divorce 3 years ago, had died just 3 weeks ago.
I was speechless.
Which is hard to do with me.
How do you RESPOND to this news??
I asked questions, such as " what are you thinking?!?" and told him that there was no way he was ready to date.
He was calm and sure of himself, he was "in a good place" with all of it, etc.
But still....holy christ.
We did have dinner. I liked this guy and thought, well, maybe we would be friends. We could see how things evolved.
I will remind you here that I don't often feel drawn to many people to the point where I actually WANT to meet them face to face.
It just so rarely happens, that I wanted to follow through.
And dinner WAS great, but...
The dead girlfriend loomed large, for me anyway. The evening had a surreal quality to it.
And then came our after dinner convo.
He had issues with people who were less than "strong financially". He wanted someone to travel with him, to be able to lead a certain kind of lifestyle.
I am not "strong financially".
I disclosed this to him.
I used the term "working poor" which he was unfamiliar with. "What's that?"
It means I work my ass off and still don't have much money.
His response "well, I'm not a sugar daddy if that's what you're looking for" did not make my heart sing.
So....no.
Dating gaff #2
This one was harder.
I still feel sad and just...queasy about it.
Here's a little tip for you men:
If a woman really rocks your world, don't wait.
Don't hesitate, don't play games,
Don't try to play it cool.
Let her KNOW.
Let her know as soon as possible and as often as you can, what you are thinking and feeling.
Do not assume she knows that shit, because, chances are, she doesn't.
Anyway.....
We had connected months ago. We set a date to meet.
And he called me the day before to cancel because he "needed to go skiing".
I was a bit pissed but not upset. I didnt know him, we hadn't met. His loss I felt.
Fast forward several months. I see an old email of his when I am cleaning out my inbox. I check out his profile, and think nothing of it.
He saw that I looked at his profile.
He sends me an email.
After a little chitchat, he does a GREAT job of expressing remorse. He said he was " being very selfish and self-centered as well as single minded." and wondered how things would have gone if we had met.
I felt like an actual date was a good idea.
We met. We had dinner.
It was fabulous. Like, seriously great. We talked, we laughed , we flirted.
I was smiling a LOT.
And then?
Nothing.
He just wasn't "there".
I finally broke down and texted him a few days later, he responded.
Polite but cool-ish. WTF?!
I am not good at the game playing aspect of dating.
I am direct.
I called him, to ask him directly: WTF?!
He confirmed that he had a great time on our date and had wanted to see me again, but that he felt I had "rejected him" at the end of our date.
I was SUPER confused at this point. In my view, we had a fun little
"car time" before saying goodbye. But to him, it wasn't enough. He was apparently pouting because I hadn't been ...hmmm..."friendlier".
At this point, Im pissed. I asked him " did you think we were actually going to have sex in your car in a public parking lot??!!"
He responds " give me 3 reasons why we shouldn't?"
Holy shit.
I'll give you one reason you a******, because I said "no."
I hung up.
But, I was STUNNED!
And completely thrown for a loop.
WHAT had just happened?!?!
So, here I am.
I felt sad and confused.
And like I can't even TALK to men for a while.
I know LOTS of amazing men.
I raised two pretty wonderful specimens.
I have male friends who love and support me.
But, I honestly don't GET the dating thing.
I give up.
At least for now. It is apparently some sort of alternate universe that I don't have the password for.
And now, it's winter. I hibernate in the winter, doing things that are cozy and ...singular.
Lots of reading, couch time, cooking in my future.
And regrouping from the self-esteem bashing that is called dating.
Look for me and the Mose out walking. He's still my greatest companion.
S'all good....
SG
