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Thursday, May 28, 2015

Gentlemen,,put your shirts on!

Always a happenin time in the Dollhouse...

Last week my online profile was "looked at" by a guy called "Missing fingers"...I wish I was joking...
but I'm not.

Some people assume that, because I've been married a couple times, ( OK!... 3 times alright?! Shut up!) and have had a "few" relationships, that I may be less than positive about men.

Some People would be wrong.

I like men.
Ive spawned 2 pretty wonderful specimens.
I enjoy the  company of men as a general rule and love the fact that I have several male friends in my life at the moment. My cousin, Swannydude, is one of my most valuable team members
( I adore him) and is astute enough to apologize to me on a regular basis for his gender.
he knows, that although I like men,and occasionally love them, they are frequently ,,you know,,,,,,less than bright.

Online dating brings this fact to the top of the pond like nothing else I have ever experienced.
It's incredible. And scary. And hilarious,,,
Im sorry ,,it IS!

Before anyone goes all crazy and tells me I'm being  Judgmental and rude....let me just say that
yes I AM!
That's what online dating is all about.
You, the customer, are basically shopping for a product that appeals to you and meets your needs.You get to judge and compare.
You look, sometimes you reach out, sometimes someone reaches out to you....
Frankly all the players are in very vulnerable positions.

A lot of the time people (Men in my case) reach out to you and you wonder if they even consider the fact that people (women) will see their profile.
Now before I get too far into this I want to recognize the fact that I believe that there is someone for everyone, and just because I may be skeeved out by the guy posing with 2 dead deer next to him doesnt mean ALL women will be.
 I get that.
But I still feel that there are a few basic rules that men can follow.

Guys...think about your profile name. THINK about it. For me personally (again I know other women may not be bothered) I look for a low key approach. Witty might be fine but really, just keep it simple and not....intense. Or rude. Maybe something that says something POSITIVE about you. Maybe dont mention that you have missing fingers for example. Or brag about your alleged sexual prowess..just sayin...
Safe choices:
Eat, dance, love ( although this one is on the edge for me...I hated that book);
or use your name:
Paul 1059

None of these make me frightened, or squeamish.
or frightened...
Trying NOT to frighten women is a good general rule.

For instance these names are NOT men I would gravitate to...

- GilesDungeon (Alarm!!!)

-RUKiddingme22 ( This guy's whole profile was disparaging..why are you HERE buddy?!)

-JerryKKK (um,,,no and take that hood off) 

- Commondisaster (Thanks for the warning)

- ArtforFartsake (no,,,just no. go away)

- PianoSparkle (ok, I know Im just being mean, but are you a damn Unicorn?!?

And my favorite this week, because it made me laugh was  BlueEyedBaldGuy ....and he was. 

The pictures you choose are pretty damn important too. General rule: Show us your "A" game.
If your best effort includes more visible hair in your nose than my dog has on his entire head,
that's a no.

It is ASTOUNDING how many middle aged men think the best way to portray themselves is with a beer in their hand and no shirt...
Stop it.
And I dont really want to see your scenic vacation pics from the last 4 trips you took....What's THAT all about?! Especially the ones of you WITH NO SHIRT ON.

C'mon guys,,,just be,,,,
normal. A nice clear RECENT head shot or two and maybe one of you proving you have legs.

Unless of course your profile name is Legless in NH...

S'all good...



  1. How about Hummerless? He recently crashed his Hummer... you'd get that right?

  2. Of Course! What ELSE could that POSSIBLY mean?!?!?

  3. I always loved the photos that were clearly taken with someone else in them and then cropped.

  4. Yes, those show a serious lack of initiative. But even worse are the ones with a LOT of other women...! Is that REALLY your daughter?!?