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Saturday, May 30, 2015

Life is short and the dog is good company...

Here's the thing...
I am pretty happy most of the time, just being home.
With the dog.
You know, puttering around, reading, watching tv, going for walks, playing on the computer, baking or cooking.
I am content.
But I do want,,,something. ( no not THAT...necessarily,  get yer head outta the gutter).
I miss the companionship of communicating with my "person." at the end of the day.
Or throughout the day.
 I am a communicator,,,It jazzes me up and revs my engine. Text, talk, email,,,whatever...

So I am making the EFFORT to connect....except, maybe not much of an effort.
It's just that it takes a LOT to entice me to go out on an actual date.
Because men are,,,ya know, hard to understand ( my finely honed diplomacy skills at work here)
 Or maybe I just cant find one that makes me even want to TRY to understand him.....I'm sure it's me,,,right? know what?
These MEN...
They dont even READ my damn dating profile!!

Darling reader,,,you know me pretty well by now. You know that I am fairly, lets say, direct. Ok,,,,,blunt.
I used to say to Ex #3, "at least YOU dont have to guess what I'M thinking".

So you can safely ASSUME that my online profile is FULL of useful bits of information about me.
Here's a bit:

I'm honestly not sure what Im looking for on here anyway........
someone to chat with? 
New friend to have dinner with?
Surprise me!

Do I want to find a nice guy to have MORE with?
OF COURSE I DO!! Good god, who doesnt??!

But I am willing to be open and take things slow.I feel like it will happen when its supposed to.

Pretty straight forward,,yes? Low key, not too...intense.
And yet men feel compelled to connect with me by saying they feel a "love connection" FROM MY PROFILE and need to see me immediately. And actually have planned out our weekends for the foreseeable future.
And they call me sweetheart/sexy/darling...
Thank god for the "block" function on these sites.....

Another bit of my profile:
Do you have guns? We are probably not a match.
Do you have a motorcycle? Prob not a match, but possible.
Do you want me to RIDE your motorcycle?? Not a match. yes, really.
And I really just cant be around cigarette smoke..

I'm not sure how much clearer I could be.....and yet....?

I get a note from a retired military guy who is sitting on his motorcycle holding his gun....
"You look fun, can we chat?"
What would you like to chat about Captain? What a clueless idiot you are?

Last week I get a note from "mydog'sgone" who tells me he is a "social smoker" and would that fit in my criteria for no smoking?
No, no it would not.
And no, I didnt ask what a social smoker is because I DONT CARE.

Another nice man sent me a note, a bit of an ice breaker. I checked out his profile, noticed that he was "Christian" and that it was "fairly important to him."
I responded thank you for the note but that i didn't think we would be a good match.
Now, at this point, most people know to  just move along. Not this guy. "why are we not a good match? I think we are. Cant we at least talk?"
Sir, you feel that Creationism should be taught in schools, and you describe yourself as conservative. I feel confident we have nothing to talk about.
At that point he felt compelled to tell me that " You damn liberals are so judgmental"...
Alrighty then...

Sometimes I do actually make it out for a face to face.
Lets call him Adam.
I knew Adam quite a long time ago, he dated a friend of mine. I was sure we were not a match for dating, and told him so, but he wanted to have coffee.
It started out ok, a bit of catching up and comparing jobs.
 And then...he wanted to talk about his Christianity.
I talked about the weather, he talked about ?
His Christianity.
I told him about my job, grand kids, dog...
He talked about his Christianity.
Finally I said " Adam, I am not just NOT Christian...I am ANTI-christian.
 He joked "you mean like Anti-christ?"
Me, deadpan:  "I'm comfortable with that."
Him: blink blink blink....

It kind of went sliding/crashing downhill from there.
Climaxing with him telling me it "was too bad" that I hadn't pushed my boys to join the service when they were younger...
Adam? I would move my boys to Sweden before I would have them join the service in this country.
AAANNNDD...we're done here.

The absolute kicker? About an hour after I practically ran to my car I get a text from him:
"That was fun, let's do it again soon."

The dog and I had a very nice rest of the weekend.

S'all good.

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