Search This Blog

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Only the lonely.

The gorgeous and talented Tippy Cat. 

From "Big Bill" in Obscurity, Maine...

       "I got the diabetes.
         It took my toe.

         I still get around.....                                                                                          mostly. "


We are all so...vulnerable.

I rarely send messages out on the site. It takes a really GOOD profile to get me to comment on it or "approach" someone. So I appreciate it when a guy reaches out to me.
I appreciate it and yet, I am still a princess about who I let in.
I struggle with  the idea that I am too picky, too quick to discount someone based on their pics ( I cant possibly date someone who would wear THAT shirt) or a clunky profile description (spell check pal,,try it). 
I am ready to own that I could be more, shall we say, open. 
Guys, think about what you're projecting fer crissakes!
A steady stream of just,,ridiculous messages come in. 

"i am just looking to have a good time with a lady whatever interests we can afford at the time, not really looking for full time partner. something easy first a movie or coffee, dinner, drive sight seeing, concert play or just use me to go somewhere you don't want to go alone i am very easy. anything is bettor than what i am doing now."

Christ almighty, hide the sharps....

A favorite (?) not long ago was this gem, One sentence, 2 words:
"Engage me"
Maybe I was having a bad day, I dunno. But I got pissed. 
Engage you?!? 
Engage ME muthafucka!! You narcissistic neanderthal!! 
No,,, I didn't  send it. 
Delete, move on...

One note from "Planetary man" was so fascinating I almost suggested meeting just so I could see what he was like in person, because I was strongly suspecting either Aspergers or just a terrible sense of humor. And no, I am not dissing Aspergers  so calm down. You just don't encounter this kind of thing on dating websites very often:
( a little background info...when someone looks at your profile you get a notification. I usually look at theirs when that happens, to see what they are like. This guy looked at mine so I checked his out. And yes, I am hearing how rude that sounds. 

Thank you for viewing my profile. Your image captured my attention as well, but I suppose that the computer has alerted you to that. You have a nice smile and make good eye contact.
There are a number of points in your profile that suggest a mutuality and at the risk of sounding too clinical and scientific, this may warrant further investigation. 
Now that I have placed myself in a somewhat vulnerable position, I will confess that I am not sure how to proceed. I am hoping that if you have a vague curiosity then you may choose to respond.
I have tried to infer some meaning from your profile name. At a loss, I checked with Mr. Google and found several very different definitions and a few that were not at all complementary. So, you are a woman of intrigue.
I hope that you have a pleasant balance of the day.

Take Care,

I confess, I was intrigued by the sheer WEIRDNESS of it. 
I responded:
Thank you for your very interesting note. I would say, now that you've put yourself out there that proceeding would depend on my response. Unfortunately I don't see us as compatible for a call or meet but am happy to chat on here if that interests you. 
If not, good luck to you and try to enjoy the process. 
SG name is simply a morphed version of my actual last name. I am however, definitely a woman of intrigue. 
Have a delightful evenin

After that? Nada. Which is what so often happens. 

Yesterday someone called "seekingAsianlady" sent me a wink. That's just...confusing. And disturbing. 

And the steady stream of "Hi"..

From men 10 years younger or living half way across the country or in another country entirely. Just "hi". I dont even know how to acknowledge them. If you are so cramped up with shyness that you can only manage a "Hi" then perhaps this is not the forum for you? And why are you looking at my profile anyway if you are in Alaska?!?

Sometimes a message looks ok at first glance and then,,,its not. 
 I got a fairly innocuous note a couple weeks ago:
"Hi, how's your day going ? I like your smile and profile."
Ok, not terrible although I would bet money he hadn't actually read my profile from his very general comments. But then I noticed his name.."WillUloveme776". 
And then I noticed his profile pic, which was him in what looked like a pair of too small boxer briefs standing outside on a deck somewhere. He was flexing. 
My day was fine until I saw that,,,and can now not UN-see it.
No, just no. 

I really do try to have a "we're all in this together" attitude with the online stuff. I assume everyone is just doing their best, even if it is hopelessly lame. I have a friend that approached it like a job..She said she just did the "head down, forge ahead" thing, filtering through the crap and going on as many dates as she could stand, many of which were tortuous.The good news is that she did meet a great guy and they are still together. 
I don't find I have the stomach for that. 
When I show up to meet someone, there is always the expected first awkwardness. But then, you know, it should pass and we should be comfortable. If I am cringing when he speaks, probably not a good sign. If his glasses are so dirty that I cant concentrate on what he is saying, also not a good thing (Yes, this happened. Yes I said something. No, I am not proud of it....although not consumed with guilt either)
Other first impression deal breakers ( for me):
Reeking of cigarette smoke
Nose hair...( I cant even have a conversation about this completely tweaks me out)
His car has parts wired together ( Fine, I'm a bit of a snob)
He tries to kiss me within 30 seconds of meeting.
He tries to hold my hand at any point during the first date. Stop it. 

My most recent "meeting" looked promising. We met to go for a walk after chatting on the phone for a week or so. I didn't have a strong pull to him but felt it would be a pleasant time.  At first  it was kind of "meh" but then? 
It turned terrible. 
In the  first 15 minutes he launched into a story of how he had trouble with pests under his shed at home. He said " I had to trap them to get rid of them, 13 all together. Possums, woodchucks and a cat" I assumed, because of our previous conversations that he had used Have-a-heart traps, Because that is what kind, liberal people do. 
He didn't. 
 After noting the look on my face, he got defensive " I gave them a choice! I put out both the humane trap and the steel jawed traps. They all chose the steele traps."
And then? 
He was talking about his Swing dancing lessons....
Blink, blink. blink.....
I was horrified. 
I couldn't respond. 
I also couldn't end that goddam walk soon enough. 

Just for the record, I have had great first dates. I have met wonderful men online and am friends with several of them still. In fact I seem to have a knack for making "friends" online ( one said I "give good phone"), but at this point I'm stacking up male friends like cord wood, enough already!

So, I guess for me its "head down and forge ahead".... Maybe I'll plow into someone soon. 

S'all good

No comments:

Post a Comment